I am just gonna put it all out there, I am a natural born B*itch, and I have the ability to get p*ssed and stay that way a very long time. Shocking I know...but I don't call this Mom~Mom's Rant for no reason! I know I could use better wordage then B*tch and p*ssed, but urinated off just seem to corny, even for me, and I love me some corn....
So anyway, here are 7 things about my mother that either you do or don't know about my mother........
1. She is the first born of the greatest woman that ever lived.
2. She would give you the shirt right off of her back, if you asked for it.
3. She has made approximately 80 burp cloths in the last two months.
4. She works approximately 56 hours a week and has done it for almost 19 years now.
5. She can in one sitting go into a casino with her 56 hours of pay, and leave without a single dime in her pocket.
6. She can cough, burp, fart, sneeze , yawn, pee and fart again all within the same 10 seoncds, while in a public place and not bat an eye.
7. Deer are attracted to her, which is usually very unfortunate for the deer, if they don't run out in front of her car, they are ramming into the side of it while she is driving 70 mile an hour down the highway, but no worries she never texts while driving, but she does read romance novels while at the wheel.
So what is my reasoning for this post? Well I would just like to point out, that her children know her faults as well as her grandchildren, they don't call her Nanny-bingo for nothing, except for Braxty-boy who calls her Nanny-Doe (which is still fitting) but inspite of her ways, she is still our mother and we love her. She is doing all sorts of good for the family, she is personally paying the Native Americans back in Oklahoma for their land that was taken from them, I know you probably don't want her driving or riding in your car, because of # 6 or 7, but just be lucky someone hasn't already asked her for #2, or she would be peeing in you seat, gunning down deer on her way to the casino and be topless. So thank your lucky stars you have had her in your life.
Or you can just stop b*tching about her to me , because you can't tell me anything that I don't already know about her.
I love you mother, even if you're not as Fat&Sassy as you used to be...your still you to your kids.
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4 comments:
Jackie,I just about peed in my pants just reading this...Hilarious!! You need to get a journal and write down all the good (and bad if you want!) stuff you can remember and would like for your kids and grandkids to know about her. You think you will always remember, but take my word, you won't. I wish I had written down things about Momma, but I still have good memories...we feel about her just like Parlee's family does about her...it would be a tough race to choose the best outta the two..what happened to some of the rest of them??LOL You are such a creative and funny girl..the decorations you made for the shower was too cute! I have never blogged so I am probably not doing this right!! Y'all should all write down your memories of Shanna, also. Tre will appreciate it sometime...as creative as you are, you could have everyone in the family write down the memories of her and then make Tre a book outta them! Love ya...you made me laugh!!! BTW--you not nursing anymore??
Yes I am still nursing (as in nursing I mean being a nurse, not nursing like breastfeeding...my boobs have always been this LARGE, unless you count scotty but he is a grown man....nvm my AADD is kicking in LOL) I have a job interview on Monday but to answer your question I am going to continue to be a nurse! =)~ Yes ma'am I am.
Just so you know Jackie, there are many others that loved her despite her many faults. She was one of the most special people ever to enter my life... she ranks pretty close to the top!!!! I loved her very much as did we all... will miss her everyday on my way to being fat n sassy just like my aunt katie!
I know Amber, and we were all very happy to share her....I wrote this lil over a year ago....
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